His Gift.

Lilies, just because.

As Valentines Day approaches I reflect again on how Gracious my God is. My heavenly father provided me with a spouse who would do anything for me. I mean ANYTHING. I'm not saying he doesn't vocalize the inconvenience to me sometimes; he's far from perfect. I understand that playing a game, or taking a nap by far sounds more fun than adding more work onto an already heavy load.

But, as I watch my Husband grow in Christian love, grasping the meaning of dying-to-self, serving his God, and then his family with all his might, I marvel. I praise my Lord for these blessings.

I love the little ticks inside.

God knew before he created me what my life would be like. I had many goals and ambitions when I was growing up. As a child I followed what my parents taught me was right, and my desire was to serve God always. As a teenager I started questioning my own spirituality, and decided that it was best for me to not get married because I didn't want to put myself knowingly under a headship ordained by God. I wasn't going to submit to anyone. I was okay with that. I thought it was less hassle. That time of my life it was a VERY good idea that I did not wed.

Proverbs 16:9- "The heart of a man plans his way but, the Lord establishes his steps."

God used my selfish and biblically uneducated heart to put me directly on the course he wanted me to go. All my worldly hopes and dreams were dashed because now I had to be responsible for another life. I didn't want to. Of course being 18 going on 19, who wants to be domestic? Especially an ambitious 18 or 19 year old.
However, in hindsight I could not have had a better life changing experience. Even winning the lottery would not suffice. And in having a child, I grew up. I became focused on raising my son, and tried to play house. Precious Jesus was with me the whole time, and while I learned to turn to him and cling to him I changed.

James 1:2&3-"Count it ALL JOY, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness." (Italics and yelly words mine.)

My priorities changed.

I made up a list of attributes I wanted in a partner. I prayed over my choices and sought Gods wisdom in them. When it was set in stone on my heart, I was taken aback at how hard it would be to meet someone like that. I knew then, that I was to be on my own, but not alone. I was to rely on Jesus, and that excited me.

God is faithful. God is always there. He loves you no matter what, unconditionally. He desires to know your secrets, and he's totally open for you to know him. He wants you to use your talents to the fullest. He doesn't question the family you have because he designed that family. What better intimate relationship is there? None.

But, again, like always, I was wrong. I was not meant to be alone. I'd like to say it's because I'm totally a catch, but no, that's not it. God has plans, he does indeed.

Meeting Mike changed me again! Who am I anyway?? He fit my list, except he wasn't saved so I didn't even consider him at all as anything more than a friend. We love our story. Maybe I'll share it one day when I feel like laughing.

He even does the edges. *happy sigh*

There is however, a glipse that God has given his children as a gift while we are on this earth. Marriage in it's intended form filled with the holy spirit is bliss. I have tasted the fruit of true spiritual oneness and I am amazed.

Photo by: Stewart Bell

Song of Solomon says it all, "I am a rose of Sharon, a lily of the valleys/ My beloved is mine, and I am his; He grazes among the lillies."

God is full of grace. I don't deserve this happiness. I don't deserve this man.

I am truly thankful that I didn't get my way.