Cognizance Yore

Yesterday I was reading something that caused me to have a flashback to my Wedding Day.  Since I missed acknowledging my Anniversary this year, (Feb 22) because I was sick with some kind of something and my Husband doesn't even know what the date is anymore as long as it's not the deadline he has to get his work finished by...our Wedding Anniversary almost came and went without notice. Only because my loving Father called and left a heart melting message on my answering machine did that trigger an, 'Oh Yeah" response from me, which I later passed on to my Spouse.

When you've been married for so many years with so many kids with no expectations some times things slip by.  Meh.  Ever seen that show 'The Middle'?  Those writers have captured the essence of just how busy life can get if we let it, and we must be intentional in all we do to prioritize what is actually important to us as a whole, and as individuals with others in mind.

Now, while I read this little article, I was reminded about Patience, and my lack of it as a young girl.  In fact, I can say I had zero, zip zilch; if things did not go my way I brought all kinds of drama forth.  Thankfully, this is not the case now, but I had to get to this point.  I did not reach this current condition on my own, but through the powerful work of The Holy Spirit by The Grace of God, through Jesus Christ I was Born Again, released from Sin's Bondage.  It's been a painfully long process, and have merely touched the tip of what needs to be done to me as I am refined by my Creator, constantly reminded on an almost hourly basis but hopeful that what He has started He will finish. (Phil 1:6)

My Wedding Day was on a Sunday, and to save time, money and other good reasons I can't recall right now we were to get Married after the Church Service.  At that time we met in the basement of a United Church, so I guess that was the largest reason to make sure we could use the main auditorium and all it had to offer without interfering with other booked gatherings.  I remember minuscule segments of the day.  I didn't hear a word of the Sermon, but bless our Pastor's heart he told a mini one later during the Ceremony as well...although again I didn't catch a word.  I was too busy trying not to keel over backwards, or vomit, or faint, or let my knees crack together they were shaking so badly....

Rewind a bit though.

As my Father and I were standing in the front hallway, waiting for the procession to begin, I could barely hear the music my heart was pumping so loudly.  I drew strength at that moment from my Father.  He stood so poised, so gallant in his suit, so confident that he was doing the best thing by giving his daughter to another man.  The song I was to walk down the aisle to was Pachelbel's Canon in D Minor.  My pianist was the son of a Church Member, he chose all of the music and did an amazing job.  I had the song memorized, and at the rehearsal the night before, I knew I had it down.

Not so.

I wanted to walk.  I wanted to go. 

 I had my arm in my Fathers, and I would pull him saying, "It's time."

He would gently pull me back and say, "Not Yet.  Just Wait."  Gently.  Lovingly.  Patiently.  

I was starting to panic, being myself, questioning, eager, nervous, afraid that if I didn't go at that moment the timing would be off.

Dad held me firm, assuring me he had it covered.

And he did.

When I trusted him, and stopped worrying, I felt at peace.

Calm.

The time arrived and he said, 'Let's go!"  And I asked one last time, "Are you sure?"  And he dragged me through the door.  Confident.  Safe.  Perfect.  Our steps kept time to each note beautifully played by talented fingers.  I looked down the aisle to my future Husband, and almost bawled.  I did not deserve to have such a wonderful Father, let alone to be marrying such a person.  I felt the transition, the closer I got to the front.  I was leaving my post as 'daughter' behind, and walking toward a whole new experience found in becoming someones wife.

I wanted to run.  I didn't know if I wanted to go back or move forward.

Dad kept me in check, leading me to the end.

I was so impatient.  I second guessed my decision to marry the man waiting for me that I had not known for even a year.


I looked at my Father, and cried one tear which my Mother was able to swipe elegantly from my cheek as we passed by.  I realized the reality that no longer would I be relying on the man that gave me life and weak ankles, but on another man whom God had prepared for me. 

And right there I knew The Lord had blessed me beyond comprehension.  He caused all of this to come together.  Even though I had reservations and worries that I was doing something wrong or foolish, being handed from the man who loves me to the man I love sealed the deal.

If earlier posts had you believing I regretted the way my Wedding Day turned out, you've misunderstood the point of my posts. 

 I am thankful that even with my reluctance and resentment God does His powerful Work and His Will is done despite me, and in the end following Him is all I can do.