Steady On

The other day I took my kids to the mall for something to do.  Once we arrived and saw the parking lot I realized this was not a smart thing to have done.

One can't be brilliant constantly.

So, instead of experiencing the wrath of 5 very disappointed children, I elected to take them in anyway.  Husband had to run a few errands nearby, so we designated a spot at the other end of the mall for meeting.  I am still living in the stone age, ergo, no cell phone.  My partner had to finally bite the bullet and get one because his self employment took off like a shot, and I was tired of having to run and hide with the phone so that I could take messages for him.  This is not a simple feat to do.  My babies have a tendency to materialize from nothing at my feet tearing each other to bits....or at least trying to while I'm attempting to listen to an issue one person has with that other person and what they'd like my Man to do about it.

This is why I have no friends.  I can't keep in touch with them, or carry on a conversation without half guessing what they say, which makes for some pretty awkward responses.  

Friend: "After we watched that flick, we went back to my house,"  (My kids burst onto the scene)

Me: "I like to feed them peanuts too!"

Friend: "Uh huh... and I was glad I raked the leaves yesterday......." (I dodge one, jump over another two, and race upstairs two steps at a time, finally taking refuge in my bathroom while she chats away.)

Me:  "I hope you get that checked out."

Friend:  "I think I've found the right guy this time........".(Rambling on but now the kids are trying to knock down the bathroom door.)

Me: "When did you get your rug cleaned?"


Friend: "I said I had a great date last night."


Me: "Uh...OH!" (Awkward pause.)

Friend: "-.-"

So, because my phone-life is nonexistent, why would I spend money on something that's just going to frustrate or embarrass me?  Hence, the carefully timed strategy of meeting Spouse at the other end of the mall which should give him enough time to do what he needed to do and meet us, without needing to communicate in the meantime.

Being that it's only a few weeks before Christmas (gasp) the mall was packed already by early afternoon.  Everyone had the same look: the I-don't-want-to-be-here-but-I'm-not-going-to-be-thwarted-by-that-in-law-again-constipation-from-too-much-egg-nog-last-night-face.  Some people switched to a pity-face as they realized I was herding 5 kids on my own through the maze of human bodies.  Some also scowled ferociously because they had to side-step a toddler once or twice.  However, we survived, made it to the store we were aiming for, and my kids were delighted for a while.  The other less-intelligent thing I can be accused of is that I don't carry, or wear a watch.  Once having twins, the concept of being anywhere at a certain time threw me into a migraine, and so I tossed the idea of trying to keep track of anything.  My liver thanks me, too many meds is not cool.  After a while, my Littles started getting anxious, and I realized that if Husband didn't arrive soon, I was going to be in large guano.

However, I was saved by the Golden Arches that happened to be very close to where we were to meet my Knight in Shining Armour.  By the time I ordered 5 small sundaes, got the kids settled and organized at the table, He strolled right in with a large smile on his face, obviously happy that he found us right away.

Now that I had back up, I could relax, sit back, and laugh at all the people scurrying around frantically getting that perfect gift for some loved one, elbowing fellow human beings in the process.

I have mine already, from the greatest giver of all.